Saturday, April 24, 2010

Saturday Afternoon Wanderings on Long Island

Today I went to the Hamptons Lawn & Garden Show (it was not held in the Hamptons but in a tent at the outlet mall in Riverhead) wearing my Plum Island t-shirt. One anxious salesman for a house-fixer-upper contractor said to me, “We have worked on Plum Island,” then he stopped himself, ”...oh, no we didn’t. We can’t go there.” I said, well, yes, you can, sort of go there if you have a reason. I got this t-shirt at the gift shop, sort of.

Another salesperson, I think they were selling life insurance, stopped me and said, “I always wanted to go to Plum Island.” I replied, well, it is not exactly a tourist destination. They asked me what it is like. I said that they may force you to strip naked and take a shower before you leave the island. He seemed to like that idea as I ran off to learn the latest in hot tub technology.
A fellow selling invisible fence asked me if I had any pets. "No, I said, "I'm sorry." I lied.

He said, "You don't need to apologize to me. I have some extras if you want one?" Then the fellow selling home mortgages asked me if I wanted one I said, "I already paid off the one I had." "He said, "Do you want another one?"

Another young fellow explained to me that for free he would stick a fan in my door and suck air out of the house then tell me how much it would cost for him to save me money. I wanted to know his secret but he got mad when I refused to sign his pledge. The last time I joined a religion it nearly killed me.

Then I went to Suffolk Community College to the Ecology Fair and the ladies at the Lyme disease tick control table across from the all-natural purple stuff table, asked me if I work at Plum Island. “No,” I said, “I was on vacation.” I was worried they may blame their fervid health-scare cause on my nocturnal indiscretions. Which reminds me that this morning I was reading about how Brookhaven Labs, just north of where we live, shot down a UFO with a quark gluon plasma beam weapon. The craft from wherever in the universe those things come from it crashed and burned in our local park and they built a horse stable there to hide the evidence. Which reminds me I need to go over there and get some manure for the garden.

I went to Port Jefferson thinking to visit the Antique & Garden show... but decided I was not into macramé and glass all that much and walked around and found a 12 person bobsled at Bayles Boat Shop where on Saturday and Wednesday mornings I can go volunteer to learn to build wooden boats. The Timber Framers Guild helped to build the Bayles Boat Shop.

Headed home, still w/ the Plum Island t-shirt on, I stopped at a bait & tackle shop and asked the proprietor if he sold earthworms. He said, “Yes.” I asked,  “How big are they?” “They are trout worms,” he said, “they are small ones.” I said, “Are they like red wigglers? I don’t know what a trout worm looks like.” “You never seen a trout worm?” he said, “They are smaller than large earthworms.” “Can I see some?” “What you wanna use them for?” “I want to feed my chickens.” “Pretty expensive chicken food!” “I'm teaching them to eat out of my hand. I want them to get used to me. They really like worms.” “Do you eat them?” He almost caught me with that trick question and I almost fessed up. “No, you don’t eat circus chickens.”